RisGrestarSFX

Obviously I'm inactive here, and have been for a long time, and despite previous journal entries or uploads perhaps implying I'll be more active, I don't think so. I'm not an artist, and that's totally cool: It's meant for other people. Today, I was going to deactivate this account. I guess I was kind of ashamed to have art like this connected to me, but I still wanted to hang onto things just in case, so I started going through my gallery and saving every picture.

Frankly, it's amazing the crap that I uploaded when I was younger.

But...the more I looked through, reading a couple comments and descriptions, the more I became okay with it all. Yeah, there are some embarrassing things, some totally awfully drawn things, some things that I've never been proud of and still am not proud of...but it's my past. It was silly. It was fun. I have a lot of good memories from this place, and while I haven't really stayed in contact with everyone--with hardly anyone--some people still cross my mind from time to time. This was definitely a phase in my life, and one that changed my life for sure. I grew a lot here, I learned a lot here, and while it may sound cheesy, I loved a lot here.

Over the years, I may change--Ris Grestar may change--but this isn't a bad thing: This is life. So let's keep living it.

Alright, so I'll click on the notification thing up top (because it says I have one or more messages, of course), and it goes to the next page but won't load any notifications.  This doesn't always happen, but it's happened enough to where it's gotten a bit annoying.  Anyone else have a problem like that?

So Mom added a safety filter to my internet.  It also happens to block deviantArt as well.  Right now I'm at my dad's house for the holiday, but otherwise I can't really get access.  Funny, isn't it?  Right when I started becoming active again.

Yes, all 1.5k notifications have been deleted without a single look!  Call me cruel.  Go for it.  But I'm not going through 1.5k notifications.  XD

Okay, first, I wanted to say that yes, I did just go on a llama-giving spree.  If you didn't get one and you want one, please post a comment; I just went down a few pages on my profile and gave all of the users there one XD

Update part 2:  I'm leaving tomorrow for about a week...so...yeah.

Update part 3:  Not really an update, more of an explanation.

Okay, so I'm sure some of you remember back in the day when I was constantly on deviantArt, right?  Well, then I'm sure you also noticed I kinda broke away...Had a pretty long break, at least.  Well, I kinda had a reason why.

While I was busy with school and life and such, I was still on the internet a lot, but I felt too bad.  Too ashamed, if you would.  I'd promised so many different people pictures and, being perfectly honest, I couldn't draw them.  I kinda realized that I wasn't the greatest artist, or the second, or third, etc.  I still know that now, though I'm trying to improve.

Seeing as it's been...what, a year?  I doubt you all will want the same things and I don't plan on asking you to request anything new, at least not now.  Instead, I'm simply offering an apology.  I'm sorry I let you guys down and then simply disappeared.

Like I said before, I'll try to be a little more active from now on, but I'm still unsure about my art.  It's...difficult.  Maybe I'll be satisfied while I'm drawing it, but an hour or so later I'll look at it again and find something that bugs me, then another thing, and another.  You must be thinking, "Oh, that's a good thing!  That means you improve your work each time."  While yes, I do, it still never turns out as good as I had envisioned it.

I just might be a little hard on myself.

But anyway, there ya go.  There's your explanation.


Wow...On a different note, this is a pretty big journal for me lol